Reflections on John 21:15-19

I have a hard time being an apologetic; reciting scripture to “prove” what God is saying through the Bible. I cling to my Lutheran heritage that relies on the mystery and promises of God. I’ve seen too many liturgical wars, salvation wars, even military wars fought over different interpretations of the Bible, that I feel very uncomfortable claiming TRUTH.
Some might say this makes me a bad pastor. Personally I think I’m in good company—Simon Peter, the Rock, and I have something in common, something I think all of us share--our humanity.
Here’s Rock—the one who gets more prominence than any other of the disciples because he has the loudest mouth. Talk about the squeeky wheel gets the oil, that’s Rock. Rock is always out to prove his faith… I’ll never deny you Jesus! So Jesus says ok—you’re such a Rock are you? We’ll tonight before the cock crows twice you will have denied even knowing me, THREE times.
We’ll lucky for Rock, we serve a forgiving God. A God who not only sees our human sides but made us human—on purpose! So when Jesus comes back to life, he shows up to Rock and instead of shoving it in his face saying—Rock, really? What do you think of me now…. Jesus gently reminds him… THREE times nonetheless who has power over life and death, who is the TRUTH that will se us free, who truly is the ROCK that we build our lives upon. Then Jesus gives Rock another chance. Can you believe it? A second chance to love God, and to serve God’s children, God’s sheep who need direction. God uses the big mouth who denied him publicly to still be the one to spread the Good News.
Jesus calls us to follow. Not to be perfect, not even to be Jesus—but to be ourselves, knowing fully well that means being human.
When I encourage people to follow Jesus, it’s not because I think by doing so their life will be easier, in fact the exact opposite. That’s why I think Christianity is a hard sell. I’ve never used John 21 as a witnessing tool, trying to talk people into church or becoming a follower of Christ. I mean it uses the word “love” three times but it’s anything but lovey dovey.
So it’s not that I don’t believe in Truth. I just think it’s slippery territory claiming truth by picking out texts and saying “I know! I know” Because for every three times I say, “I love you Jesus, you know that I love you” there will be a time when I deny the Truth in my life, when I deny my love for God and seek people’s approval, when I judge others, when I judge myself, when I hate others, when I hate myself… I’m only human.
So what I would rather cling to is Jesus’ words to, “Follow.” I can do that. I can follow. I also try to lead as Jesus equips and empowers me, but most importantly as we serve, as we feed the sheep, we follow. We follow Jesus’ lead. We listen, we care, we have compassion, we see injustice and we burn with anger to change it, we see hurt and we weep finding ways to heal it, we see our own brokenness and we crawl into Jesus’ arms.
Jesus was fully human so I don’t take it as a bad thing to be human—to make mistakes or to need second chances, that’s how God chose to make us. So what I will proclaim, the words I will share, truly believing in my heart, is that I love Jesus. Yes, Lord I love you. I’ll say it three times, ten times, a hundred times, as many times as it takes for God to know I mean it and more importantly for my heart to follow.

I'm just not that generous...

http://www.boldcafe.org/

Here's a "Faith Reflection" I wrote for the May ezine issue of Cafe. If any of you were at Our Saviour's Sunday night Element service-- you might see some good tie-ins. Watch out Rob Bell!

starting over

Last Sunday I preached on Sabbath rest. My colleague Pastor Mark did a great job of summing it up for the Eucharist liturgy by saying, "It's the law to rest." I'm currently reading Kathleen Norris' latest book "Acedia and Me" and I thought she had a great tie-in to the idea of Sabbath. How every week we are called to sabbath, a starting over. She writes, "To be always a beginner, in our competative culture, is to be a loser. It is to remain continually vulnerable...Because it impedes my illusory forward movement, having to begin again can feel like failure. It reminds me that work I thought finished must be redone, and I resent being reminded of the transitory nature of all things...as a person of faith I am always beginning again with prayer. I can never learn these things, once and for all, and master them. I can only perform them, set them aside, and then start over."

Here's to starting over, every Sabbath! To never mastering faith, but finding time to rest in God and start again and again and again.

knowledge is power

Knowledge is power-- I do believe. I know who I can go to when I need help with something. Brad keeps giving my points on baseball, as it's taking me years to learn the ins and out. My dad tells me how to fix things around the house. My mom helps me with cooking tips, history info, being good to myself. My brother Paul helps with my computer confusion and my brother Douglas with....geez almost anything, he's got an opinion on most things! And Liz and Laura are being treasures for mommying and being women in the workforce. And that's just my immediate family! I think from time to time how I'll manage when I don't have one of them to look to for help. There's so much comfort in knowing I have someone to call to help me out, to encourage and support me-- to be proud of me and give me challenge--to give me knowledge that makes me feel empowered to go about my business.
As we gear up to work with the homeless this summer at church, providing housing and meals every Friday night, I think about how they don't have this support system; someone to call for help in reading a legal document, someone who knows how to fix a leaky faucet, someone who knows what spices to add for the big Easter meal. I feel so grateful for my "knowledge base"--aka my family and friends.

Art

"Beauty" is such a limited word in our modern vocabulary and has lost its salt overtime. But there is something true about "beauty" that has nothing to do with manicured fingernails or yards... beauty that enlightens, moves the soul, touches us deep. I don't know if I have ever memorized a poem, I can't think of one offhand. So I'm going to give it a try. I have always admired people who know poetry.. so hear goes...feel free to ask me how it's going.

"I am Like a Kite" by Ellen Porter

I am like a kite
in the hands of God.

She runs with me
holding the string
and blowing
Her sweet breath
into my body
like bellows to fire.

I soar in the
dappled sky blue
laughing my utter delight

and wonder
what will become of me
if the Beloved
gets tired and
runs out of breath

unraveling

In high school I didn't like to wear the color black. The goths wore black, which I presumed their point was to look sinister and death-happy. I was a Christian and wanted to look light and airy. So I wore navy. However black truly is the bedrock of a good wardrobe and these days there is more black in my closet then any other color. In fact my husband will make a surprised face if I bring home anything blue.
For a few months now I've been thinking about darkness and light in the Bible. There are instances of God being discerned in both, but overwhelmingly as "light". Yet the God who can be found in darkness is tugging at me.
A few months ago I read Genesis to refresh my memory of my ancestors in faith. During Lent I read Exodus to help with our church study. And now I'm on to Leviticus which I have never read cover to cover. In lent there were all kinds of words used during our life as church that spoke of "moving out of darkness into the light." There was one song in particular in our Taize service that I couldn't sing because it had this motif (although I loved the Taize as a whole.) I asked myself if I was overreacting, overly sensitive.
I'm a morning person myself. I like the light, the first dawn. Never been much of a "night" person.
But when we still use terms like "Black" and "white" to describe people more often then "African-American" or "caucasion." And talk about the lightness or darkness of someone's skin. And when those same terms, dark and light, come up in our liturgy, even in the Bible, it's been like a thread unwinding in me, slowly but steadily, and I'm not sure what it's unraveling.